When it comes to love, today's American society focuses on two things:
1. Falling in love
2. Growing old together

It seems that being there for your spouse used to be easier. That's easy when you grew up in a loving family - generally sheltered from any spousal problems. It's easy when you're young and energetic. It's easy when you don't have children pulling you in their direction all day, or when your job doesn't require more of you than your family should allow. Actually, what used to be easy was being romantic - holding hands, eating out, going around the world, date night. What I still needed to learn was how to love.

I needed to learn that it was more than just being romantic. Love was putting other lusts aside, it was cherishing her for who she was, it was loving God so much that I wanted her to grow in his love too. The basic premise of the book The Sacred Marriage is that marriage is a tool that God uses to bring us closer to him. And, when you really delve into it, we can be superbly blessed by a Godly marriage by more than just happiness. For me, God did chose to use marriage to make me happy. He showed me satisfaction and happiness that I probably never would have found if it wasn't for Lindley. That said, he's given us much more than this: peace through each other, friendship, love, and most importantly he's been using it to bring us closer to him. For years, we went our own direction, but now he's using us to sharpen eachother.

So, back to my original point...what about the times inbetween falling in love and growing old together. What happens with all of the aforementioned distractions? Fight to still be romantic: fly around the world, give flowers, offer compliments, listen even when you don't want to. Recognize that this isn't your spouse's fault either. It may be frustrating, but there is rarely a time when it is completely black or white. So, I will leave you with a poem written by a man in love. He and his wife had many children, suffered miscarriages, his famed wit required him to travel to entertain kings, but through all of this, these two still knew to love even through the rough times. Therefore, do the same. Take 100% responsibility for what you can do in your marriage, and don't let go of the love. Grow old together by loving each other. This is John Donne's "The Sun Rising:"

Busy old fool, unruly Sun,
Why dost thou thus,
Through windows, and through curtains, call on us?
Must to thy motions lovers' seasons run?
Saucy pedantic wretch, go chide
Late schoolboys, and sour prentices,
Go tell court-huntsmen that the king will ride,
Call country ants to harvest offices,
Love, all alike, no season knows, nor clime,
Nor hours, days, months, which are the rags of time.

Thy beams, so reverend and strong
Why shouldst thou think?
I could eclipse and cloud them with a wink,
But that I would not lose her sight so long:
If her eyes have not blinded thine,
Look, and tomorrow late, tell me
Whether both th' Indias of spice and mine
Be where thou leftst them, or lie here with me.
Ask for those kings whom thou saw'st yesterday,
And thou shalt hear: "All here in one bed lay."

She is all states, and all princes I,
Nothing else is.
Princes do but play us; compar'd to this,
All honour's mimic, all wealth alchemy.

Thou, sun, art half as happy 's we,
In that the world's contracted thus;
Thine age asks ease, and since thy duties be
To warm the world, that's done in warming us.

Shine here to us, and thou art everywhere;
This bed thy centre is, these walls, thy sphere.