Why My Marriage is Like the Budget Deficit Super Committee and Why, as a Christian, that should Never Happen

• Failure to compromise…


• Finger pointing…


• Failing to consider a balanced approach…


• Refusal to consider any measures that will resolve this problem…

These are all actions and phrases that I have seen in the works over the last few days as our nation followed the media through to the formal, yet largely inevitable, conclusion that the bipartisan budget deficit super committee would not come up with a reasonable resolution to reduce the national debt forcing $1.2T worth of automatic spending cuts. Does that sound familiar?

Yes, it sounds like my conversation with my wife last night:

• Failure to compromise. Well, wasn’t it me who brought up the issue in the first place? Why should I be looking to compromise?


• Finger pointing. Listen, I tried not to, but I mean come on, I had to defend my point, right?


• Failing to consider a balanced approach. Come on, balance is overrated when you’re in the heat of the battle.


• Refusal to consider any measures that will resolve this problem. See above excuses.

Yes, after hearing a wonderful message last night about God showing David his self-righteousness just as much as his unrighteousness (2 Samuel 11-12), my first thoughts this morning surrounding the super committee were stupor, appall, and dismay. Fortunately, it didn’t take Nathan the prophet to bring me along to the conclusion that I was that budget super committee and that I was being self-righteous.

Yes, at the end of our marital “discussion” last night, I realized that this was a bigger deal to Lindley than to me, and that I should have just let it go. So, I tried. Clearly, this was too little too late. So, I have to ask myself, what does the Lord require of me?

• Micah 6:8: He has told you, O Man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness [also translated mercy], and to walk humbly with your God?


• Romans 2:5: But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. [I really just stumbled on that one, but the “hard and penitent heart” piece jumped out at me.]


• Romans 15:2-3: Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, "The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me."


• Ephesians 5:2: And walk in love as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.


• Ephesians 5:25, 33: Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. However, let each one of you love his wife as he loves himself, and let the wife see that she respects the husband.

So, now, let’s try our list just one more time:

• Failure to compromise. IT’S NOT AT ALL ABOUT COMPROMISE; “Love kindness;” give yourself up for her; cool your hard and impenitent heart; do not please yourself, for Christ did not please himself.


• Finger pointing. Let each of us build up his neighbor; walk in love as Christ loved us; are you giving yourself up for her, or are you making sure she gets the point?


• Failing to consider a balanced approach. Soften your hard heart; Remember Christ died for us because we were wrong, we are wrong and we will be wrong.


• Refusal to consider any measures that will resolve this problem. The perceived problem isn’t the problem. Are you loving your wife as you love yourself and are you giving yourself up for her?

Let me state it another way. Nowhere in the scriptures did I see any reason not to stop, turn and repent of my ugly attitude the moment I saw that it was bothering my wife. (Please forgive the double negative). So, with my impenitent heart, I need to cry to the Lord to change me, forgive me, and help me to live in the Spirit and to love my wife as God intended it.

Love is Not All You Need

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Dear President Obama, et al.

Well, I don't really see this going viral and actually reaching your ear, but, thought I might as well drop you a note. First, please let me tell you I admire you. Your efforts are appreciated and your genuine desire to change that which you believe is broken. You should know that we disagree philosophically on a few things, but, hey, your the President, and I realize that I'm not. So, I really have no qualms with our philosophical disagreements.

I've been wanting a President like you for a long time. A leader that does what he feels is right regardless of the popular sentiment. A leader that may attract some new dissenters, but will still do what's right. I don't pretend that we live in a popular democracy. Yes, we elected you to make the right decisions because we aren't nearly as qualified as you (and our other elected officials) to make them. And, with a couple of semantic changes to that desire, you have done so. So, thank you.

And I certainly recognize that you've had a rough time. A lot of that, maybe most of that, was inherited. Probably, more than you care to know wasn't inherited, though. And that is wherein truly lies my purpose for this letter to you and to our other large scale politicians.

It's that slight semantics issue I mentioned. Because you did move forward regardless of strong dissension. For that, I'm impressed. But you do appear to have cared what others thought, and instead of addressing why your policies were right and ending your story there, you had to point out why others were wrong and why others were the enemy. Isn't that what the Newt Gingrich's and Nancy Pelosi's of the world do? Hey, frankly, we have enough of them already.

Why did you chose to villanize at a time like this? I remember that you started attempting change by saying that you wanted to hear from everyone - Republicans and Democrats, alike. Well, then you heard some Republicans state that they wouldn't make any concessions from their recommendations. Granted, those Republicans may have been short-sighted, may have been pandering to their constituents, or maybe were just stubborn. But then, you can only be responsible for your actions, right? So you villanized them. Did you not recognize that Democrats wouldn't change either? And, of course, that's fine. Our system is set up so that elected officials can make decisions and make hard decisions. But now you appear not to be our leader, but to be a Democratic, a one party leader, and, as defined by our congress these days, that means a divider.

Look, that sounds like I'm blaming you. I'm certainly not. We do live in a world where people put life into buckets of "fair" and "unfair." I try not to do that, but sometimes I feel that way too. If I were to put this into a bucket, it would be "unfair" for you to have to hold yourself to a standard that other party leaders do not. Frankly, I can't think of a President that wouldn't take advantage of his own party's power in congress to make the other party look bad (maybe Reagan?). But, seriously?! Doesn't that sound childish and below the level of the Presidency?

Here are the three primary groups that you've villanized over the last two years:

• Republicans. With their staunch opposition to your opportunities for change, I can't blame your attitude, but here's how I see it: the Republican party is where most moderate / swing voters stand and where they have stood since the 80's. So, to villanize Republicans without exception, you villanize the moderates and (although the Pelosi's/Gingrich's of the world will completely disagree), the moderates seem to be the ones that maybe could get this stuff right and find some balance between the issues. Please recall that it's only since the second Bush administration that moderates have leaned more blue than red.


• Corporations. Well, I just can't say enough here. When you villanize a Company, you are villanizing people that spur on the economy, people that give jobs, people that have jobs. You are making people that do have jobs forget to appreciate that it is because of their employers that they have a livelihood in the first place. I actually get boiling mad on this issue. So, I'll let it stand alone there.


• The Rich. Did you know that these are not only the people that can help create jobs today, but that they're also the people that created industries spurring on job creation in years past? Take Fred Smith, for example, he created the overnight shipping industry. There are now 100's of thousands of new jobs to serve this industry. Why can't we tap into their minds regarding job creation. Maybe, instead of villanizing these people, we can make it easier for them to create jobs. Oh, and they give more to help the poor than anyone else. Now, maybe that percentage of income is low, but it's not low because of the Bill Gates and Warren Buffets of the world. Because they do give and give and give.

President Obama, can you fill in the gap that the Republican party seems to really have missed? To me, Republicans tend to want a smaller government with less spending (as the emergence of the Tea Party suggests), but they only focus on the economy by focusing on businesses. Maybe you can be the Democratic leader that is "for the people" as the Party suggests.

Can you focus on the people without acting like everyone who isn't on your side is the enemy? I want my leader to say, "We have a vast deficit, and are emerging from very difficult economic times. I will work as your leader to give the necessary resources from the government to fix these problems, but I'm asking the same efforts from you, a great American people and great American businesses." Now, of course, you need to have a plan in place to finish this statement. "Congress has just passed my bill to extend benefits and resources to you. We've made it easier to give of your individual time and resources to those in need. We've taken away the uncertainty and added incentives so that businesses can begin creating new jobs. I'm asking you individually and collectively to be great, to be strong and to be proud just as our Nation deserves."

So, President Obama, et al. (because you will need help from the rest of Congress), can you now enter a new era? An era where we work together? An era of humility for mistakes made and an era of change where it's not "the government" or "business" that resolves all of our issues, but the government, business, education and individuals that work together to resolve our problems?

Sincerely,

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"O, the Wild Rose Blooms," said the Soccer Ball

My thoughts often run much like the beginning of A Portrait of a Young Man as an Artist by James Joyce. Those thoughts are full of streams of consciouscness, jumping from one ponderance to the next - each being somehow related, and yet somewhat difficult to discern how so. Here is just half of the first page of that novel.

"Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and the moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

His father told him that story: his father looked at him through a glass: he had a hairy face.

He was a baby tuckoo. The moocow came down the road where Betty Byrne lived. She sold lemon platt.

O, the wild rose blossoms
On the little green place.

He sang that song. That was his song.

O, the green wothe botheth.

When you wet the bed it is warm then it gets cold. His mother put on the oil sheet. That had the queer smell.

His mother had a nicer smell than his father...."

Now, with that introduction of streams of consciousness, you may just understand how this thought that I am about to explain came to me. You might also now better understand why I'm so difficult to understand sometimes - I may know how I got to my conclusion, but just might not be able to explain it!

Okay, then. The thought. It wasn't much of a thought, but I still decided to put pen to paper...well, so to speak as this is a blog.

I was walking around our backyard trying to find the sun (as the 15 degree wind chill feels much better in the sun than in the shade) and I saw our knee high soccer goals had moved around in our backyard. This took me back to a time...granted it didn't take me back very far in time...to when Luke began playing soccer.

He seemed so good at soccer in the backyard - especially kicking goals. Additionally, his natural athleticism is good. So, it baffled me for the 90% of the year why Luke only kicked the ball on place kicks during his soccer season. Just before the last game, I asked him, "You know that it's okay to run in and try to kick the ball, right?" He responded excitedly, "Yes, Daddy. Once you line up behind the ball, you kick it to the goal!"

All of the sudden, it was clear to me. Luke wasn't getting the ball because he thought he needed to line up and square to the ball to get a good shot at goal or good kick upfield. Well, the ball is essentially never at rest, and it is always surrounded by a hoard of other 4 year-olds.

After a quick mention that he just needed to try to get a foot on the ball, not square up, Luke proceeded, in the last game of the year mind you, to kick, dribble, etc. more than he had done the entire rest of the season combined. Of course, he didn't have the whole season to practice getting it there, shooting, etc. Therefore, he didn't score, but he made huge progress with some relatively small advice. (Incidentally, he did a great job at goalie every time he played that position, and he always ran a lot. So, this wasn't a statement that Luke had a bad season).

Okay now. We got from James Joyce to a cold day outside to knee high soccer goals to Luke's soccer learnings. Could all of these things have almost no relation to my final conclusion? Simply put, yes. They have almost no relation. So, I move onward toward that conclusion.

I spent the whole season not knowing how to address Luke's concerns - thinking he was scared of not being perfect, intimidated by bigger players on the other teams, etc. Had I just asked that same question ("You know that it's okay to run in and try to kick the ball, right?") after the first or second game of the season, he may have enjoyed his first year of soccer much more. Therefore, I realize that I am flawed. I do the wrong thing as a parent, co-worker, sunday school teacher, child of God, husband, etc. Plain and simple, I'll say it again: I am flawed.

So, alas, I must now draw to conclusion what this simple minute in my backyard showed me: Given the right circumstance, my being utterly flawed in practically every area of my life gives me a great ability to see what it takes to learn. How nice to have such a benefit out of my own flaws.

Let me give you a few examples. I can tell you that if your child isn't playing a sport the same way his or her teammates are, you should find the root difference (i.e. never getting near the ball when it is in play) and ask them if they know they can do it / why. Don't make assumptions on their behalf as mine would have been wrong. I'll also point out that you should do so an an inoffensive manner - which was key with my child.

When I teach Sunday School, I feel so utterly flawed in my Christian life that I can easily point out the traps, the pitfalls, the challenges that we face. And with that, we might even find a way to get around those pitfalls.

When I taught Spanish to High Schoolers, my base came from my own knowledge about why I wasn't able to converse in Spanish after High School. It was because I wasn't immersed in an all Spanish environment, and I didn't understand how or when to use verb tenses. Therefore, I focused on those areas for my students.

I could name others, but I'd rather just leave it at those few. Therefore, in conclusion, I am flawed, but I think God finds great ways to use those flaws so that I, and maybe others, can learn. How about you?

My feet 10 feet off the Beale

If you've known me for long, you've probably heard me talk about the Leadership Academy, the Fellows Program, how it took me 3 years of living in Memphis before I began to appreciate it (thanks to the Leadership Academy), or something related to those. I will freely admit that there is a lot in Memphis that I still would like to take advantage of more frequently. And, yet, I still have my opinions.

But I was recently at a function intended to help interns from out of state, to get to know Memphis better. One particular intern got to hear quite a bit of my unsophisticated list (i.e. kids can be involved as well). We spoke about the simple things such as:
• Beale Street
• The Zoo
• The Memphis Botanical Gardens
• The Metal Museum (okay, so the function was actually there, but it did get mentioned)
• Museums (Civil Rights Museum, Brooks Museum, Dixon Gallery of Art, and, yes, I did mention the Fire Museum...can I help it if I have a 3 year old boy!)

But he followed up the next day with a couple of questions regarding places to eat. I love to eat. Perfect! Two pages later, I was done with my e-mail response which is copied below this paragraph. Lindley and I like to get the boys out to do something Memphis whenever possible - typically Saturdays. So, get out and enjoy Memphis!

"... This could be long. So, let me summarize in bullet point what we discussed plus add a few more. Your mention of downtown made me realize that I hadn’t really told you about what I like in the heart of downtown yet. (I’m also leaving off of the list any fancier restaurants. If you’re ever looking for that, let me know as well because I have my opinions on those too.)

Midtown
• Zoo – great place. I’d plan on a couple hours your first time there. You could go straight from the zoo to Café Ole which is only 5 or 10 minutes away
• Café Ole – Tex Mex indoor or outdoor dining in the fun Cooper-Young district
• Dish – A nice change of pace meal with tapas-style food in Cooper-Young Honestly, the food for me is hit or miss, but it’s good for something a bit different.
• Boscoe’s – One of my favorite restaurants in Memphis. This local microbrewery has great food, good beer, live music (sometimes), and a relaxed atmosphere
• Studio on the Square – Fun place to catch a movie. You can often catch the Indie Films here. Get your popcorn and milkduds, or forgo the standard and grab a sausage and cheese plate with a beer for the movie
• Otherlands – Cool coffee bar where a lot of U of M students get together for study groups, read, etc. Great place to get together with friends or co-workers from different parts of Memphis.

Downtown
• The Arcade – A top breakfast joint in Memphis. I would argue that Brother Juniper’s is right up there for breakfast as well, though. (South Main area)
• Beignet Café – Actually make and serve fresh New Orleans style beignets. It’s the only place in town that makes them that well. They serve breakfast, lunch, dinner, and drinks. (South Main area)
• The Farmers’ Market – Open Saturday mornings currently (through early to mid-Fall). There is live music and a big crowd on cool days. The setting is an old train depot, and people from all over Memphis seem to show up. (South Main area)
• The Flying Fish – downtown, downtown (near the Leadership Academy). The restaurant is directly across the street from the Peabody Place. Awesome place to grab fish tacos. Great food, great atmosphere. On Second Street.
• Café 61 – The best macaroni and cheese I’ve ever tasted. This crawfish mac and cheese beats out any lobster-based comparison I’ve tried. Also on Second Street just a few doors down from the Flying Fish.
• Rendezvous – A great place to bring tourists to show them the real flavor of Memphis. Though the atmosphere does more for me than the food, many consider their ribs the best dry rub barbecue in town. You could go see the ducks waddle from the Peabody Hotel’s lobby fountain (they hang out there all day) into the elevator at 5:00 one night, and then walk across the street to beat the crowds at the Rendezvous. You let them know it’s your first time and you need some help deciding what to get – the waiters will treat you right. I also hear that if you say “I don’t want any of them tourist ribs” they’ll treat you right too, but I’ve never tried it.
• Anything on Main Street – the trolleys only section where traffic isn’t allowed, this is not South Main, but again in the Leadership Academy’s area:
o The Majestic Grill has great food and I believe is owned by two Leadership Academy Fellows
o Sauces has a great reputation for food and atmosphere
• Automatic Slims is a great place to grab an appetizer and a drink before catching a play at the Orpheum, or a concert at the Cannon Center. The food is eclectic, but good.
• The Orpheum is a great place to catch a play, but, during the summer, they show classic movies on the big screen in a really fun atmosphere beginning at 7:15 on TR’s and FR’s. This week is Funny Girl and Mamma Mia, respectively. Cool Hand Luke (my all-time favorite movie) and Butch Cassidy are showing as a double feature on 8/21. Their website can give you a better idea of what is coming and when.
• The Cannon Center is my single favorite venue in town, but I don’t get to use it as much with the young children now. I can’t imagine my 3-year old sitting through 2 or 3 hours of the Canadian Brass or the Memphis Symphony Orchestra!
• An easy and very fun outing is a Redbirds game. The local minor league team that feeds the St. Louis Cardinals has an amazing ballpark in Autozone Park. Fireworks after home runs, cheap seats on the lawn or close seats for reasonable prices. You can grab a dog at the game (or some BBQ nachos for that matter), or go to the Rendezvous and fight the crowds before / after the game.

Age-Old Debate Settled
To settle the age-old debate regarding the best barbecue in Memphis, I have to list those that qualify for typical consideration:
• Interstate (aka Neely’s, but the original is Interstate, and is the one you should try)
• Rendezvous
• Corky’s (many would argue that this chain shouldn’t be considered, but it is Memphis-based, and very good)
• Germantown Commissary
• Central BBQ
• Just missing the cut: Three Pigs and Tops

If you haven’t tried each of the above 5 in the next 4 – 6 weeks, you are doing yourself a great disservice. All have their good side. There is nothing like the Rendezvous’ atmosphere. Three Pigs is a consistent place where you can find the same 10 couples every Sunday morning at 8:30 am. Germantown Commissary recently was named in the top 10 BBQ restaurants in the nation by Playboy magazine – yes I got that out of the Commercial Appeal. Interstate is and will always be a staple in the Memphis BBQ arena. It has history and class and good food. Corky’s clearly has the best wet ribs in Memphis, and I argue that their dry ribs are more consistently great than the Rendezvous’ (as awkwardly as that is worded, it is what I mean).

But, if you really want the best, you must try Central BBQ. The fact that the BBQ nacho plate is as big as my computer monitor is only one reason (by far the best BBQ nachos in Memphis). This is a good atmosphere with good bbq where you can eat inside or out. ..."